Chapter 21: Yang Yin

Yang Yin had met Lin Menghua during her childhood. Yongzhou was not far from the capital, and the two families frequently exchanged visits. Back then, Lin Menghua was the only legitimate daughter of the Marquis of Zhongyong’s household. She always seemed more unrestrained and vibrant than other girls her age.

In Chang'an City, the pastries from the Treasure Pavilion were famously delicious. Yang Yin loved their "Jade Dew Rounds"; taking a bite, the silken sweetness would seep into her heart, always making her feel more cheerful and at ease. However, since marrying into the Zhou family, she had rarely eaten sweets. Firstly, the Zhou family did not care for them, and secondly, it was easy for her son, He-ge'er, to develop toothaches if he ate too much, so she simply stopped buying them.

When they met again, both were already wives of other men. In Yang Yin's eyes, Lin Menghua still loved those Jade Dew Rounds just as much as before, and her smile remained just as bright. Yet, there were changes in her—subtle shifts Yang Yin could not quite name, but they were certainly for the better.

"I remember you used to quite like the Jade Dew Rounds?" Lin Menghua asked with a hint of confusion.

"The Zhou family doesn't like them; they would be displeased if I bought too many," Yang Yin sighed deeply.

"But is it alright if *you* are unhappy?" Lin Menghua countered.

"Oh..." Yang Yin was momentarily stunned.

Yang Yin also saw the concubine accompanying Lin Menghua, and to her surprise, they seemed to get along quite well. Could the relationship between a legal wife and a concubine really be so harmonious? Perhaps she, too, could try to accept Hu Xinniang?

Zhou Shi had once again taken a large sum of money from the household, and Yang Yin knew it was to subsidize Hu Xinniang. It was clear that He-ge'er’s schooling also required significant funds. How could he take away even the boy’s monthly allowance?

"You don't understand at all! You are rigid, prejudiced, numb, and dull! You don't understand the bond between Xinniang and me; we are in love! It is completely different from a loveless union dictated by parents!" When he said this, his face was full of contempt, and Yang Yin saw nothing but irritation in his eyes.

Yet, it was he... it was he who had followed all the traditional rites, sent the sedan chair, and married her. Why? Why did he despise her to such an extent?

Zhou Shi pressured Yang Yin increasingly. Under his insistence, the Zhou family’s attitude toward that mistress gradually softened. Yang Yin was terrified; if the mistress were truly to enter the house as an equal wife, how would she survive?

Most people sympathized with her, yet they also viewed her as incompetent for failing to hold onto her husband’s heart. A small group even maliciously speculated that she must have had some flaw that disgusted Zhou Shi, causing him to prefer a woman from a brothel over her. Yang Yin had been so careful, meticulously managing the inner household and overseeing the domestic finances, yet she could not escape such malicious suspicion.

Later, Lin Menghua told her that only cowardly people constantly shift responsibility onto others. Because they lack the ability to solve problems, they pretend that everyone else is intoxicated while they alone are sober, constantly evading the truth and blaming others for their own failures.

Indeed! Zhou Shi was a coward! Otherwise, why hadn't he simply married Hu Xinniang in the first place?

Hearing that the wet nurse, Wang, couldn't quite master the Jade Dew Rounds, Lin Menghua brought He-ge'er and the family cook to the prince's manor to see her. The manor was busy preparing for the move to their fief, and for a moment, Yang Yin felt she shouldn't have come.

"Cousin Yin, come quickly!" Lin Menghua leaned against the doorway, waving at her excitedly.

Indeed, it was still her "Hua-jie'er," only even more capable than before. The vast manor was managed in perfect order by her, and every servant held her in awe and respect. The fruits were fresh and sweet, and the pastries were warm and fragrant. He-ge'er enjoyed himself immensely. The concubine and the young maids played with him in the garden, and the sounds of laughter and joy instantly filled the space.

Yang Yin felt as though she hadn't been in such a lively atmosphere for a long time; her own home was always cold and desolate, filled with her complaints and melancholy. No wonder He-ge'er was always so cautious, afraid of making her unhappy. And no wonder Zhou Shi despised her!

Yang Yin had shared her troubles with Lin Menghua, and this was the response she received. She understood the logic, yet she still felt deep sorrow. She wanted to separate, she wanted to escape... Sometimes, Yang Yin wished she were a man; then, she could fly wherever she pleased, with freedom in every direction.

Then, Zhou Shi died! He died so suddenly—so suddenly that Yang Yin did not know what emotions to summon to face it. Yang Yin arrived at the scene of his death immediately. She saw the actions of the female physician, Wu, but did not stop her. In that instant, Yang Yin felt she, too, was a truly despicable person. She wrapped up some banknotes and, while the maid wasn't looking, tucked them into Zhou Shi’s clothing.

Harboring these secrets, Yang Yin dealt with the funeral in a daze. Madam Sun thought she was still reeling from the loss of her husband, and the aunt from the other branch, pitying her status as a young widow, stepped in to help manage the funeral. Her mother, Madam Lin, also came to see her. Her temples had gained more gray hair, and her face was etched with sorrow. Holding her daughter’s hand, she blamed herself for not realizing sooner that Zhou Shi was short-lived, her words filled with concern for Yang Yin’s future.

"The family's intention is..." Madam Lin looked at her daughter’s young face, unable to finish the sentence.

"Mother, I understand," Yang Yin replied. She knew the Lin family did not want to abandon this marriage alliance.

"If it weren't for He-ge'er, we might have been able to negotiate, but as things stand, I truly have no other way."

"Mother, I am quite fond of He-ge'er."

He-ge'er was bright and sensible; he was the only solace Yang Yin had known since marrying into the Zhou family, her only anchor in a life of loneliness and despair. She did not regret giving birth to him. Yang Yin did not want to marry again, to gamble once more, to face unknown crises, or to endure the pain of childbirth again.

Madam Lin, thinking she was merely putting on a brave face, insisted on giving her five thousand taels of silver. Because Yang Yin was willing to remain a widow, the official in the Zhou family gave her some of his private savings. The second branch of the family made no objections. The aunt from the other branch told her that He-ge'er’s future schooling expenses would be covered by the clan, telling her not to worry.

Her mind was restless, and she left everything to their arrangements. It was not until Lin Menghua arrived that her turbulent heart finally found a place to rest. Lin Menghua told her that Zhou Shi had finally achieved his heart's desire. Yang Yin knew this meant that Zhou Shi and Hu Xinniang had finally been reunited in the afterlife. She sighed deeply; it was time to let go.

After the meal, she walked Lin Menghua to the main gate. The setting sun melted like gold, and the evening clouds merged into one. They stood before the carriage to bid farewell.

"Hua-jie'er, I am not sad. It has been a very, very long time since I felt as light and free as I do today."

As Lin Menghua stepped into the carriage, she suddenly turned back to look at her, smiling gently. Her eyes were bright, her hair thick and dark, and her hairpins shimmered with color—she was in the prime of her life.

So, they were in the best years of their lives after all!

Her long-dormant heart suddenly felt alive again. From now on, the days ahead would be good ones. As the carriage moved further and further away, an inexplicable sadness welled up from the bottom of Yang Yin's heart.

"Madam, what is wrong?" Cui'er asked with concern.

"I should thank her. Truly... I should thank her."