Chapter 59: I Only Slapped Him Once

"Nian Ziyue?" The Imperial Consort smiled. "How is it that Nan Zhou has sent a princess as hostage? They say she’s beautiful—how does she compare to me?"

At her side, a eunuch followed, carrying a parrot stand. The parrot opened its beak. "Greetings, Your Grace. Greetings, Your Grace."

Jiao Li laughed. "For once, this feathered creature shows some wit."

The Imperial Consort narrowed her bright eyes ever so slightly. "Is His Majesty very busy?"

What does it mean to be a ruler? It means she can toss you a riddle, and you’re left to rack your brains, trying to guess her true meaning.

Jiao Li was clearly an old hand at this game. She did not answer the question about the emperor’s whereabouts, for that was a taboo. "They say Nian Ziyue’s looks are nothing remarkable, yet… she possesses an indescribable aura."

A eunuch added playfully, "Could it be the allure of a fox spirit?"

The Imperial Consort cast him a glance and walked on.

Smack!

The chief eunuch hung back, and when the Consort had gone ahead, he slapped the talkative one. "Mind your tongue and hold it."

"Aura," the Consort murmured with a faint smile, brushing her cheek absently. The emperor’s favorite thing about her was also her aura—natural and sincere, a beauty that was completely uncontrived.

"His Majesty approaches."

Ahead, two eunuchs broke into a run. Jiao Li shouted, "Her Grace is present—mind yourselves!"

The emperor arrived, accompanied by Han Stone and several attendants.

"Your Majesty."

The Imperial Consort curtsied, bowing deeply, causing her already modest neckline to dip even further.

A man may say he loves your aura, but don’t believe it. Aura can be felt, but what he truly wants is substance in his hands.

The emperor’s gaze lingered for the briefest instant at her neckline before he helped her up with a smile. "Hongyan, there’s no need for such formality."

Hongyan was the Consort’s childhood name. She lifted her head. "State affairs are burdensome—Your Majesty toils on our behalf."

"Call me Erlang," the emperor said, holding her hand.

The Consort lowered her head in embarrassment.

"Say it," the emperor pressed, more intrigued.

"E-Erlang," she stammered.

He burst out laughing, delighted by her shyness.

The two strolled through the palace gardens, encountering various concubines along the way—some playing music at the roadside, others dancing.

"Help! Help!"

By the pond, a palace maid cried out desperately. In the water, a concubine floundered, bobbing up and down.

When the emperor and his party passed by without a glance, the maid whispered, "They’re gone, my lady."

The concubine immediately swam ashore like a fish in water.

The emperor and the Consort reached the bedchamber.

After an affectionate interlude, the Consort casually remarked, "Erlang, I hear a princess from Nan Zhou has arrived?"

The emperor nodded, his eyes thoughtful. "Last time, Nan Zhou sent a foolish prince as hostage; their nerves got the better of them. This time, they’ve sent their most favored princess."

Jiao Li, nearby, seemed uneasy.

The Consort smiled faintly. "What Great Tang fears most is an alliance between Nan Zhou and Northern Liao. Since this princess is said to be beautiful, I expect the men of Chang’an will flock to her like moths to a flame. I think… someone ought to be assigned to protect her, lest trouble arise and Nan Zhou takes offense at Great Tang."

The emperor mused in silence.

The Consort raised her cup to her lips, her gaze tranquil.

Han Stone glanced at Jiao Li, comprehension dawning in his eyes.

Suddenly, the emperor spoke. "Hongyan, your words are wise. Since you raise the matter, let me test you—who should be sent to protect this princess?"

Han Stone lowered his head.

Jiao Li relaxed his hands, breathing a quiet sigh of relief.

The Consort looked up in surprise. "Your Majesty…"

The emperor smiled. "Speak."

"I was thinking… that commander who saved me last time is most valiant and loyal…"

…

"Judicial affairs are among the lowest three of the six local offices—tedious work, with endless opportunities for error," explained Qiu Sheng, who had endured years of hardship waiting for a successor. "Whatever happens in Wannian County, the magistrate can toss it all to him, then wait for him to make a mistake—ha!"

Qiu Sheng drank several cups of tea with satisfaction.

Tea in, urine out. Qiu Sheng, not young anymore, had prostate troubles of his own. He rose to go relieve himself.

Just as he stepped out, he heard someone ask, "Someone from the palace is here—where is Yang Xuan?"

Palace envoys!

Qiu Sheng quickly stood at attention as a eunuch entered, flanked by two soldiers.

Huang Wenzun hurried out to meet them. "Yang Xuan has gone to the Imperial Academy."

"And who might you be…?"

Without a sound, a small piece of silver slipped into the eunuch’s sleeve.

Nice sleight of hand! The eunuch nodded approvingly. "It seems Lord Huang truly looks after his subordinates, just as they say."

What does that mean? Huang Wenzun was puzzled.

The eunuch announced, "Since Yang, the assistant magistrate, isn’t here, I’ll leave his assignment with you. By imperial order, Yang Xuan, constable of Wannian County, is to serve as protector to Princess Nanyang, Nian Ziyue."

Feeling the weight of silver in his sleeve, the eunuch added some inside information for free. "The butterflies and bees of Chang’an… they’re all on the move."

…

Yi Niang returned from shopping, taking her usual shortcut through the alley.

The beggar was still there, staring blankly at moss on the opposite wall, wearing the shoes Yi Niang had given him last time.

Hearing familiar footsteps, the beggar lowered his head, hands tucked between his thighs.

Her straw sandals paused before him. A fair hand set down an oiled paper parcel.

"There’s been good news in my family today."

After Yi Niang left, the beggar opened the parcel.

Several hot flatbreads, the rich aroma of mutton wafting out.

He glanced at Yi Niang disappearing at the end of the alley, and bowed his hands in thanks. "May your family be safe."

His voice was hoarse, rasping like a pot scraped clean.

Yi Niang walked home and found Wen Xinshu at the door.

As soon as it opened, Wen Xinshu rushed in, breathless. "Important news, important news!"

Everyone gathered at the commotion.

Wen Xinshu wiped the sweat from his brow. "Assistant magistrate, a palace envoy has gone to the county office—they want you to protect this Princess Nanyang."

What?

Yang Xuan was baffled. "Who is this Princess Nanyang?"

Wen Xinshu explained, "Princess Nanyang of Nan Zhou—she’s come to Chang’an as a hostage."

"No big deal," Yang Xuan said, not seeing why Wen Xinshu had run all this way.

"My lord."

"What is it?" Yang Xuan looked at Old Rogue.

Old Rogue replied earnestly, "Nian Ziyue is called the most beautiful woman in the realm."

"Here’s your chance to improve your family line—marry her and your descendants will grow more beautiful!" The Vermilion Bird whispered in Yang Xuan’s ear.

"Yang Xuan!"

Liang Jing arrived, knocking on the door.

The door opened, and Old Wang looked him up and down. "Who are you looking for?"

A simpleton’s smile. Liang Jing entered, his retinue swaggering in after him.

Old Rogue had said never to embarrass his lord.

What is embarrassment? Old Rogue said embarrassment is… when the other side is smug.

The guard gave Old Wang a superior look.

The guard frowned. "Why are you staring at me?"

Old Wang replied, "You can’t go in."

A mere county constable like Yang Xuan was beneath the notice of the Consort’s brother’s men. The guard sneered, "I’ll go in if I want. I’ll go in and come out as I please…"

Bang!

…

In Liang Jing’s eyes, the only woman in the Yang household was the servant, Yi Niang, so he felt no need for restraint. In the old days, he and his disreputable friends would barge in and out as they pleased.

"Yang Xuan."

The two met.

"This is a post Her Grace secured for you." Liang Jing clapped Yang Xuan’s shoulder. "The most beautiful woman under heaven—half of Chang’an’s men would give anything just to stand guard at her door, let alone serve at her side. And you get to… Isn’t that something?"

"Check her legs!" The Vermilion Bird urged.

Yang Xuan forced a smile. "I fear it’s a heap of trouble."

Liang Jing stood up. "The more trouble, the more it shows your abilities. Now that you’re a constable, at least hire a few decent servants for your household, or you’ll shame Her Grace."

Cao Ying and Old Rogue exchanged a glance, feeling as if that remark was aimed at them.

At the door, Liang Jing hesitated, then said, "If some… important people wish to meet Nian Ziyue, you and I are brothers, understand?"

"The emperor’s a philanderer, and the Consort fears he’ll carry his affairs beyond the palace," the Vermilion Bird said gleefully.

Yang Xuan put on a solemn face. "Tell Her Grace she needn’t worry."

Liang Jing pointed at him and laughed. "A clever man."

Moments later, Liang Jing’s bellow rang out from the front yard.

"I’d only just gone in to say a few words—why the hell are you flat on the ground already!"

Everyone turned to see Old Wang sneaking in.

He crouched down, aggrieved. "I only gave him a little slap."