I do not want you to grieve in secret or slip away from me in secret.

On the way to the station, Sakura Alley Sakurako was in unusually high spirits, hopping and skipping all along the road.

"Hey, where are we going now?"

Before Jinmiyaji Tsuki could answer, she went on ahead and said, "Could it be you're taking me to a love hotel again? Well... a high school student should be fine, right?"

Jinmiyaji Tsuki looked at her helplessly. In the girl's eyes there was an undisguised mischief, and he hardly needed to guess that she was joking. With a faint sigh, he uttered two words.

"Home."

"Oh, back to your place again?"

"Each to our own homes."

That made Sakura Alley Sakurako burst out laughing at once.

"Is there something that funny?" Tsuki asked.

"With how quiet you've become now, and then thinking back to the you from middle school, how could it not be funny?"

At that, Jinmiyaji Tsuki truly had nothing to say. It was an ultimate black history, for anyone involved.

Sakura Alley Sakurako first wore a relaxed smile, then turned thoughtful as if lost in memory.

"Ah... ah... I really am an idiot, to have fallen for your tricks so easily and somehow lost my first time in such a muddle.

"What's even more infuriating is that it ended before it had even properly begun. Can you understand how I felt then? I wanted to take that thing of yours and shred it into carrot slivers just to vent my anger."

"......"

Perhaps because of Jinmiyaji Tsuki's unusual behavior today, Sakura Alley Sakurako had become unusual as well. Before this, she had never taken the initiative to bring up anything from the time they had been dating.

Up to now, they had lived as if they were ordinary childhood friends, pretending to forget that they had once been each other's first love.

But because of what Tsuki had done today, she could see a glimmer of dawn.

The girl beside him suddenly stepped in front of him and stopped his forward stride. Jinmiyaji Tsuki looked quietly into her eyes.

Sakura Alley Sakurako wore a gentle, calm smile. In her heart, she had already forgotten all the other girls completely. Both in her eyes and in her heart, there was now only the boy before her.

Those girls who had once shared intimate moments with him, whoever they were, whatever they were, all had to stand behind her.

When that realization struck her with full force, the gloom and insecurity another girl had brought her over the past few days vanished without a trace.

"Hey, will you make it up to me today? The rest of what happened back then," she said with a smile.

Three years ago that afternoon, because the boy's older sister had suddenly come home and interrupted them, what should have been a beautiful first experience ended in a hurried anticlimax. It was, to say the least, a deeply regrettable affair.

Jinmiyaji Tsuki felt his chest tighten. He looked at his childhood friend's amber eyes, light yet serious.

He realized that he could no longer tell whether Sakura Alley Sakurako was speaking earnestly or joking.

But whatever Sakurako was thinking, Tsuki would not waver.

"Sakurako...

"As you can see, I've changed. I've become an irredeemable scoundrel, someone who lies to many girls and turns a blind eye to their sincerity.

"Even if I see a fragile girl crying in front of me, I can keep my eyes from blinking and my heart hard as stone.

"However, even someone like me seems to feel somewhat the same now as I did back then.

"I want to cherish you more. Cherish you as my childhood friend, cherish you as the girl who was once my first love.

"We've reached the age where we must take responsibility for our own choices. The mistake we made back then must not be made a second time."

Jinmiyaji Tsuki had never forgotten what happened that year, including what came after, when he was possessed by the system and had no choice but to force himself to break up with Sakura Alley Sakurako.

It was the first time in Jinmiyaji Tsuki's brief life that he had hurt a girl so completely.

He had thought he would become an honest man.

He had thought he would become a devoted man.

He had thought he would become a man belonging only to Sakura Alley Sakurako.

Yet under the system's command, in order to protect the one and only girl in his heart, he could only watch helplessly as he descended step by step into depravity, becoming the scoundrel everyone cursed, unable to defend himself no matter how he tried.

"Does Tsuki think... it was a mistake all along?" Sakurako asked.

"......"

The boy turned his gaze aside.

She took one step closer to Jinmiyaji Tsuki and suddenly reached out, closing her hand around his.

"I've never thought it was a mistake.

"Even if it wasn't a beautiful memory, even if I was hurt all over, even if in the end you unilaterally declared we were done and never gave me a proper reason.

"Because of you, I did lose many first times, but I also gained many first times too, along with so many happy memories.

"Whether you admit it or not, you will never be able to forget me in this lifetime. Sakura Alley Sakurako is destined to become the most unforgettable woman in your heart, so long as there is still even a trace of Jinmiyaji Tsuki's tenderness left within you."

"I don't have that kind of thing anymore."

"It's just that Tsuki refuses to look at the past."

Jinmiyaji Tsuki thought that he owed Sakura Alley Sakurako far too much. No amount of atonement would ever be enough, and yet she always stayed by his side in that lively, cheerful way.

She had even fabricated a nonexistent air boyfriend, just to ease his guilt and show him that she had long since walked out of the shadows.

"I really am a strange girl," she said.

"Strange?"

"Of course I am. You treated me like this, tricked me into bed not long after we started dating, then dumped me to become a hateful scoundrel, and yet I still can't stop worrying about you. Can you understand what I'm thinking right now?"

Jinmiyaji Tsuki shook his head.

"You'd only need to take me to a love hotel, the way you did back then, without saying a word, and I would be yours to do with as you please."

The boy stared at her in stunned silence, not knowing what to say.

Seeing this, Sakura Alley Sakurako let out a delighted giggle.

"So surprised?"

"Surprised doesn't even begin to cover it. I can't make sense of your way of thinking."

"Is it really that difficult? I think it's something very simple."

Jinmiyaji Tsuki looked puzzled.

Sakura Alley Sakurako smiled brightly, a cute blush rising on her cheeks. "Wanting to do naughty things with the boy you like isn't only natural?"

The boy could only remain speechless.

After a long while, he reached out and gently patted Sakura Alley Sakurako's head, his heart full of complicated feelings and quiet emotion.

"But you wouldn't agree to that, and you wouldn't let me take you to a love hotel either, right?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Right. I wouldn't," Jinmiyaji Tsuki said firmly.

Sakura Alley Sakurako looked as if she had expected as much.

"Tsuki really has changed."

"Sorry. I've become such a terrible man."

She shook her head and said softly, "Tsuki has become more of an adult than I am. It feels as though only you have already passed through that immature stage and become a grown-up who bears everything alone.

"But I still seem to be the little girl from back then, thinking that doing things adults do somehow makes me an adult.

"That inevitably makes me feel unwilling to accept it, as though I am destined to remain behind that person."

"That person...?" Jinmiyaji Tsuki froze.

Sakura Alley Sakurako looked at the boy deeply.

"Senior Hoshinomori is more like a calm, steady adult than we are. And the more mature you become, Tsuki, the closer you draw to her, and the farther you move away from me."

Jinmiyaji Tsuki fell silent at once.

Sakurako was right. In Tsuki's heart, Hoshinomori Hoshino was exactly that kind of figure. He was only surprised that Sakurako would share the same opinion.

"Sakurako is special to me," he said.

Sakura Alley Sakurako remained unmoved and asked calmly, "Then what about Senior? What about Teacher Aoyama? Aren't they special to you too?"

She had deftly caught the flaw in Tsuki's wording. For the boy, those women were the people who had given him different things at different stages of his life.

There was no ranking to them, and there should not be one.

"I don't mean for you to pick one of us. This isn't an election, where the one with the most votes wins and all that. I'm only trying to tell you that all girls want to be treated specially and cared for specially."

Someone else had said something similar to him before.

Jinmiyaji Tsuki memorized those words, perhaps to use them someday.

"Hey, may I ask you something?" she said.

"Why did you want to go on a date with me today, and why this whole sequence of events? I almost thought you really intended to finish everything from three years ago in one go today."

Jinmiyaji Tsuki thought it over briefly.

Perhaps it had begun with the words of Hoshinomori Hoshino, but if that were all, Tsuki did not think it would have moved him.

He had changed from the way he had been back then. He was no longer an active person; when talking with others, he usually answered passively and never thought of taking the initiative or leading the way.

The most important reason he had such thoughts today was most likely that he wanted to change the relationship between himself and Sakura Alley Sakurako.

Not because he wanted them to become lovers, but because he felt a trace of doubt toward their current twisted, ambiguous childhood-friend relationship.

To put it more plainly, he could not bear to see Sakurako giving so much without expecting anything in return. He wanted to respond to her, to convey that he cherished her deeply as well.

And at the root of it all was the fact that Jinmiyaji Tsuki had seen through Sakura Alley Sakurako's unease and inferiority.

Unknowingly, she had been comparing herself to Hoshinomori Hoshino.

Perhaps to others, anyone would seem lacking beside Hoshinomori Hoshino. No girl could help being overshadowed by that person's aura and brilliance.

But to Jinmiyaji Tsuki, Sakura Alley Sakurako held a unique place in his heart. Even Hoshinomori Hoshino could not completely push Sakurako aside and seize that most special position in his heart.

The double title of childhood friend and first love was precisely that singular.

Perhaps, in this world, there truly existed a beautiful girl capable of making everyone intoxicated with admiration.

But the one you first saw, the one you could never return to, the one carved into your bones and heart...

She was always a cut above the rest, leaving those who came after hopelessly far behind.

"Because I don't want you to be secretly sad and secretly leave me," he said.

Sakura Alley Sakurako stared blankly at the boy before her. After a long while, she slowly lowered her head.

"You've kept your distance from me all this time, and yet you won't allow me to go farther away."

"Mm."

"You've been sweet and cozy with Senior Hoshinomori all this time, so if I were to copy you and go find some other boy..."

"Then I'd go make trouble for him every day until he was so scared of seeing you that he'd run and hide the moment he laid eyes on you."

"Isn't that a little unreasonable?"

"High school boys are all idiots. Me included."

Sakura Alley Sakurako wrinkled her nose and puffed out her cheeks. "You can flirt with a beautiful girl yourself, but you won't let me go play with boys. You're such a hypocrite."

"Mm." Jinmiyaji Tsuki could only admit it.

The girl in front of him took another step closer, wrapped herself tightly around his waist, and rested her head against his chest, the corners of her mouth lifting slightly.

"But... I don't mind being claimed by you so forcefully. How should I put it? It makes me feel valued."

"I really want to cherish you. I've been regretting what happened back then every moment of the day."

"Oh, come on. I've already made peace with it... well, not exactly made peace. I still have some lingering feelings about it, but I'm willing to keep waiting for you, until the day you are willing to tell me everything.

"Because I'm stupid, an unwise girl. I can't think as much as you and Senior do, and I can't consider things as thoroughly.

"I can only foolishly believe in my heart that you're still the boy I like, and that you have your reasons.

"No solid proof at all, only blind faith because I like you. If you deceive me, I won't have any means to resist; I'll just be the foolish woman who deserved to be deceived.

"But if Tsuki lies to me, I'd still be willing to be deceived by you. I only hope you would deceive me for a lifetime and never let me find out, because then I would surely be happy too."

After hearing those words, Jinmiyaji Tsuki raised his arm and pulled her close.

Feeling the boy's response, Sakura Alley Sakurako smiled tenderly.

"I'll give you one last chance. Right now, if you want to take me to that kind of place, or to your house, I'll go with you either way."

Jinmiyaji Tsuki shook his head.

"I'm already quite satisfied, for now."

At that, Sakura Alley Sakurako slowly closed her eyes.

"I see. Even though I'm not satisfied with the way things are, I'm a girl who spoils the boy I like, so I'll listen to you."

"Mm..."

"Hey, Tsuki."

"What is it?"

"I like you."

She smiled sweetly.

...

...

On October 5th, Monday, the first-year students returning from their school trip resumed ordinary life once more.

Without even a moment's mourning for the end of the school trip, the thing that arrived immediately on the battlefield was the midterm exam.

And at this moment, in the classroom of Class 2-A, the math teacher was explaining the key points, while Jinmiyaji Tsuki, as usual, stared out the window at the clouds, looking as though he was not listening at all.

Because this week was exam week, all clubs had suspended their activities.

But the student council was the exception. In fact, it had a mountain of tasks to handle, so after school, Jinmiyaji Tsuki picked up his bag and headed straight for the old school building.

And just after he left, something happened in the classroom of Class 2-A that would, from then on, change the entire direction of the class.