Chapter Forty-Two: Give You If You Kiss Me

Liu Ling’er lay on the ground, drawing circles with her finger, utterly dejected. Was her appearance truly so haggard that even a child mistook her for his mother? How had she never realized this before? Forcing a smile—one that looked worse than tears—Liu Ling’er had no other choice. Her tone, sweet enough to rot teeth, coaxed, “Xiao Shuangshuang, I’m not your mother. You can’t just call anyone your mother. Wouldn’t it be better to call me sister?”

Sister? Xiao Shuangshuang gazed up at her with the most adorable, innocent expression, as if weighing the idea of changing his address. He recalled that a palace maid, claiming to serve his mother, once told him to call any pretty young lady “mother” for good fortune.

With his little finger in his mouth, Xiao Shuangshuang lisped, “If I call you sister, will I still get milk? Ahem… Xiao Shuangshuang is hungry and wants milk.”

Good heavens! Seeing the little rascal staring fixedly at her chest, Liu Ling’er nearly coughed up blood. How could things turn out this way? She might admit to being well-endowed, but she certainly had nothing to offer in the way of milk!

What kind of little monster had Baili Xian sired? And another thing—this child was already three or four years old, yet still hadn’t been weaned? Was this some kind of cosmic joke?

Looking around, she noticed, to her surprise, that they were not far from the main hall of Prince Xian’s residence. At least the heavens had not completely abandoned her; she wouldn’t have to wander lost in the palace.

Liu Ling’er’s eyes darted as she made up her mind: it was best to hand this little troublemaker back to Baili Xian. Picking up Xiao Shuangshuang, her lips twitched as she said, “Come along, sister will take you to get some milk.”

As she held the child, her heart filled with curses for Baili Xian: That scoundrel, not only did he keep mistresses, he even had a daughter to torment me! What a mess! He ought to be dragged out and shot for ten minutes—no, for an entire hour!

Inside the hall, Baili Xian had just picked up his teacup when a sudden sneezing fit overtook him. Setting the cup down, he turned to Yin Wula and said, “I won’t be drinking this tea. You may have it.”

Yin Wula immediately perked up. If his voice hadn’t been sealed, he would have launched into a tirade of flattery: Master, you are too kind! My admiration for you is as boundless as the mighty river…

As for Baili Xian’s sneezing, Yin Wula ignored it. Even if some droplets had landed, the teacup had a lid. No harm done.

Just as Liu Ling’er stepped into the hall, she saw Yin Wula about to drink the tea. She hurried forward, calling out anxiously, “Yin Wula, don’t drink that tea!”

Yin Wula glanced at her scornfully, not even bothering to respond: Hmph, the master offers you tea and you act so aloof, but now that you smell the aroma, you want to snatch it from me? Not a chance! Saying it’s undrinkable—are you just hoping I’ll give it to you? Dream on!

Grumbling inwardly but not slowing his actions, he downed most of the cup in a single gulp, shooting Liu Ling’er a sidelong glance as if to say: I’m not letting you have any, just to spite you!

Liu Ling’er faltered but finally managed to say, “Yin Wula, I saw with my own eyes two dogs mating in the back garden—they left their… fluids all over the flowers and grass. Why didn’t you let me finish before you…”

What! Yin Wula’s eyes bulged so wide they nearly popped out. If this was true, why hadn’t she warned him sooner? Gagging, the unfortunate Yin Wula dashed from the hall to rid himself of the day’s meals.

A cold sweat broke out on Baili Xian’s forehead. That was close—thank goodness he hadn’t drunk the Hundred Flowers Dew tea. Letting Yin Wula have it was truly a wise decision!

Liu Ling’er walked over and plopped Xiao Shuangshuang into Baili Xian’s arms. “Why did you let a child wander off alone? What if something happened? Xiao Shuangshuang is hungry—hurry and arrange for her meal!”

Behind his mask, Baili Xian’s face turned terrifying, though fortunately the mask concealed it. Otherwise, he might have frightened Liu Ling’er away.

Xiao Shuangshuang climbed nimbly onto Baili Xian’s shoulder and kissed the mask. “Uncle, Shuangshuang is hungry and wants milk.”

Uncle? Liu Ling’er stared in disbelief, eyes wide. Weren’t they father and daughter? How had it become “uncle”? What on earth was going on here?

Baili Xian, for his part, replied gently, “Don’t worry, Xiao Shuangshuang, Uncle will have them prepare your food right away.” He snapped his fingers, and two maids hurried in. Baili Xian carefully handed Xiao Shuangshuang to one of them. “Take the young lady to be fed.”

Ahem. Liu Ling’er finally understood why Xiao Shuangshuang clamored for milk whenever she was hungry—Baili Xian had spoiled her!

Baili Xian turned to Liu Ling’er. “Is your throat bothering you? Why are you coughing? The silver has been retrieved.”

Liu Ling’er bristled at this, her expression sour. “Your steward is so impressive—he doesn’t even leave anyone in the accounts room. All I did was eat dust.”

At once, Liu Ling’er felt a chill emanate from Baili Xian, but inwardly she was delighted. Hmph, your steward may be impressive, but not as much as I am—the one who whispers in your ear! I’ll see how you handle me.

Baili Xian looked her in the eyes. “Would you like to get your money now?” Liu Ling’er nodded eagerly. She was desperate; poverty could drive even a hero mad!

Baili Xian chuckled. “Then give me a kiss, and I’ll hand it over!”