Chapter Nine: When the Dream Ends

Memory surged forth like a floodgate thrown open. The first day of college, meeting Lin Feng for the first time—he’d arrived a day early and was helping the teachers welcome new students. She hauled her heavy luggage to the dormitory entrance and caught his gaze in an instant. That eerie sense of familiarity, as though from another life, made her fall for him without hesitation—a boy she’d seen only once, with melancholy eyes and a sunlit smile. Yet, two years later, he left abruptly, bidding farewell to everyone but her; his most inconspicuous girlfriend didn’t even get a parting embrace.

She still couldn’t be certain if those few brief days had truly been a romance. He had only ever held her hand, and after all these years, she’d never received that farewell hug. Her sorrow dwindled day by day with the passing of time, leaving behind only regret. Now that he had returned, was it to make amends for that regret?

And then there was Gu Xiaohan, who slept on the bunk below. Once, the two of them had been inseparable, but after several quarrels, they drifted apart, so much so that by graduation, they were strangers. They shared many similarities, but both were headstrong girls, and after each argument, it would take months to reconcile. Perhaps the best distance for friendship is not too close, not too far; too much intimacy makes it easier to wound each other with sharp edges. This time, she resolved to be magnanimous—after all, she was a month older. She would not let the past unhappiness repeat itself.

And then there was Xu Cheng. In the beginning, they’d made countless vows of love, promises of a happy life, that she would be his cherished little wife. But once they graduated, all those fantasies were torn to shreds by reality. Day after day, he worked overtime, constantly rushing about, but his meager salary was barely enough to pay off the family’s debts. She drifted from job to job, so busy she rarely saw the sun, and together, they could only just make ends meet.

Their romance had not received anyone’s blessing, save for their classmates. She recalled his drafty, crumbling home, the disdainful looks from his illiterate parents. Even now, the memory sent a chill down her spine. The first time she visited, she did everything she could to be courteous and humble, adapting herself to the poverty and dilapidation. Yet, these two elders who had pinned all their hopes on their son, looked down on her instead, opposing the match with melodramatic threats. The reasons were simple: they found her too small, lacking a steady job, and coming from a rural family herself. Only then did her naive self realize that elders could be snobbish, and rural elders were even more pragmatic in their snobbery. They wanted their son to find an advantageous match, a pillar who could change their impoverished lives. In their eyes, a girl who bowed and scraped so deferentially could not possibly be capable. That was their measure of a person.

There are some people you must not defer to, or they will only look down on you.

This was the lesson she eventually distilled, though back then, she was naïve and inexperienced—her first brutal lesson in life was given by his closest kin. The more obstacles love encountered, the more blindly she persisted—she was determined to marry Xu Cheng, partly out of sheer defiance, and she succeeded. She quarreled fiercely with his family, forcing Xu Cheng to choose. He was torn, a filial son, but in the end, her tears broke him, and they held their own wedding.

At the time, it felt like victory, but what was the result? Two young people without resources, burdened by debt, struggled to find footing in the city. Only then did she realize her own foolishness—by defying her in-laws, she had doomed herself to years of hardship to pay the price. Their debts had to be repaid, for they were incurred for Xu Cheng’s education; to buy a house, they had scant savings, so she borrowed from her own family. When their child was born, there was no one to help, so she cared for the baby herself. It sounded simple, but the hardship was theirs alone to bear. Xu Cheng, knowing her grievances, treated her even better, always feeling guilty towards her family for the borrowed money, sending gifts whenever they could. But with himself, he was stingy, scrimping wherever possible. Over the years, he was caught between three families, never daring to raise his voice to anyone, yet working ceaselessly to provide for wife and child, pouring all his time and money into the household.

Sometimes, she felt a deep sadness. Had she not acted so impulsively, perhaps he would have found a wife with better prospects, left the child with her mother-in-law, and lived a carefree life like his colleagues, unburdened and untroubled. And she might have returned to her hometown, found a peaceful job, married a civil servant—at least she’d be close to her parents, able to care for them, instead of seeing them only a few times a year, growing ever more distant.

And then there was Lulu. If only she had loving grandparents, she wouldn’t have to grow up lonely with her mother. When her temper flared, exhausted, she would scold or even hit her daughter, who would cry like a frightened fawn, sobbing, “Mommy, I’m sorry, please don’t leave me.” In her small heart, only her parents were family; if her mother stopped loving her, there would be no one left to care for her...

Dong Yanyan, heart aching, thought of her daughter, not knowing when she finally drifted into sleep.

Even in her dreams, she found no peace; scenes flickered rapidly before her eyes.

~~~~~

At dawn, Xu Cheng cradled a wailing Lulu, anxiously facing the two elderly women before him. “Mom, I have to go to work soon. Who can look after the child?”

“Yanyan! She just disappears without a word and leaves the child behind. It’s all because you spoil her!” his mother grumbled sharply, “She doesn’t have to work—doesn’t she realize how lucky she is to have such a good husband? Now she’s run off, who knows where!”

Her own mother, quiet and proud, incapable even of quarreling, could only wipe her tears, lips trembling with anger. “Something must have happened to Yanyan. Xu Cheng, you should call the police!”

“Mom, I’ve looked everywhere. I’m more anxious than you are. But I can’t lose both the mother and have no one to watch the child. Just help me for two days—by Monday, she’ll be in kindergarten!” Xu Cheng’s eyes were red with worry.

“Mommy! I want mommy!” Lulu sobbed, inconsolable in his arms. Xu Cheng hurried to comfort her with sweets and toys, while the two grandmothers continued their bickering. With his mother-in-law unable to get a word in edgewise, her lips quivered, her face flushed, but she was speechless.

“Lulu, Grandma has to go home to earn money for you and buy you treats. Stay with your other grandma, and be good!” His mother kissed Lulu, picked up her bundles, slipped on her heavy cotton shoes, and hurried away.

“Oh, where could Yanyan have gone? Lulu is so young, how could her mother leave her? I don’t know how to look after her—what if she falls ill?” Lulu’s maternal grandmother stood across from Xu Cheng, helplessly wiping her tears.

“I don’t want Grandma! There’s no Mommy at Grandma’s house!” Lulu cried even harder.

“I don’t need anyone else. I’ll look after my own child!” Xu Cheng, stubborn as ever, held Lulu tight, his eyes brimming. “Sweetheart, you still have Daddy. Daddy will stay with you, and we’ll look for Mommy together. Come, I’ll take you to buy something tasty!”

“Okay! Daddy, when will Mommy come back?” Lulu finally stopped crying, clinging to his neck, sniffling.

Xu Cheng kissed her cheek. As they were heading downstairs, the phone rang. “Xu Cheng, why aren’t you at work yet?”

“The company has a rule—I can’t bring my child in.”

“So which is it? Your job or your child?”

“Daddy, I want Mommy...”