Chapter Sixty-Nine: Everyone Has Secrets on Their Mind

As she was speaking, Qiu Dong, the class representative for Chen’s subject and the monitor of the Distribution Class, knocked and entered holding a stack of homework notebooks. Seeing Dong Yanyan, he nodded in greeting. Not everyone in the Distribution Class was as two-faced and scheming as Zhao Jing. Qiu Dong was a decent person, got along well with Lin Feng and the others, was tall and handsome, and, most importantly, like Song Mingcheng, he was sparing with his words—a quality that greatly pleased Chen.

When Chen saw him come in, she hastily gave Dong Yanyan a few words of encouragement and urging, then let her go. Dong Yanyan quietly agreed and left. After all, he was a teacher—no matter how biased, he still deserved respect.

On her way downstairs, she saw many classmates returning with their lunch pails, smiling. She checked her watch and realized she’d missed yet another mealtime—how unlucky!

She remembered that for years after graduation, she’d often dream of missing meals in the cafeteria for various reasons: losing her meal ticket, being unable to get up the stairs, always with a dim and chaotic background.

She rushed downstairs to her dormitory. Inside, Leng Yue and Liu Ying were eating on Leng Yue’s bed; Xiao Han and Tian Tian were at Xiao Han’s desk; Xinran and Yu Xia at Xinran’s; Li Hui, alone by the window, was also eating. No one spoke to her when she came in, which left Dong Yanyan feeling a bit hurt. She looked for her meal pail, but it was nowhere to be seen.

“Has anyone seen my meal pail?” she asked.

“Oh, Liu Siying took it,” Leng Yue replied without looking up. Then Xiao Han stood, opened the door, and called to the next room, “Hey, Number Five is back!”

Liu Siying hurried over from next door, called out from the doorway, “Yanyan, I got your meal! Come over and eat; our dorm’s empty!”

Dong Yanyan finally smiled in realization. “If you hadn’t come, I’d still be wondering why no one was looking after me today! Siying, come and eat here—let our dorm girls tease you a bit.”

“Rascal! Get out! Don’t act like you’re one of us. You’re embarrassing!” Tian Tian joked, pushing her out and slamming the door behind her.

Dong Yanyan turned to Liu Siying with a smile. “Let’s go, you’re the only one willing to take me in.”

Liu Siying’s dorm was warm and quiet, with only two people present. It was Dong Yanyan’s first time eating alone with Liu Siying, and she found it a bit strange. Tonight’s dishes were sautéed potatoes, eggplant, and peppers, and cauliflower—none of which she liked.

“It’s been such chaos lately—it’s truly rare to find some peace.” Dong Yanyan picked at the cauliflower, eating it tastelessly. She gave a wry smile. “Hey, have we both been in a bad mood lately?”

“If you’re unhappy, just come out with it. Actually, I have a lot to say to you too,” Liu Siying replied, adding some vegetables to Dong Yanyan’s bowl with a smile.

*

Meanwhile, in Dorm 103, the girls were exchanging looks.

“They get along just fine,” Gu Xiaohan said, nodding toward the door and pursing her lips.

“They’re not on the same level as us—they’re the teacher’s favorites,” Liu Ying said with a laugh.

“Nonsense! Since when has Number Five treated us as outsiders?” Tian Tian said, grinning as she took another bite.

“With Ren Jiaxuan’s name hanging over her, of course you’re defending her,” Gu Xiaohan said unhappily.

“Huh?” Yu Xia turned, surprised. “Isn’t Number Five close with Song Mingcheng?”

Tian Tian giggled. “Sister, what are you looking at? Every guy on the fifth floor knows Ren Jiaxuan is chasing after Number Five. She and Song Mingcheng are just desk mates, nothing more.”

“Exactly. Number Five lives with me—Song Mingcheng doesn’t even care about her,” Xinran chimed in casually.

“Really? Then I’m relieved!” Yu Xia said, her face bright with a smile.

“He doesn’t care about Number Five, but would he care about you?” Li Hui retorted with a sneer.

Yu Xia glared at her and turned away in a huff, clearly annoyed.

*

Upstairs, in Yang Lili’s dorm, the girls were laughing and chatting while listening to music. Ren Jiaxuan came running down the hall, knocked on the door, and was greeted by a large, snowy white rabbit. Tilting his head, he saw the small face of Du Xinmeng behind the rabbit.

“Mengmeng, is Lili here?” He stood at the doorway, friendly.

“Lili, Ren Jiaxuan’s here for you!” Du Xinmeng awkwardly dragged the big rabbit and shouted back inside.

Soon, Yang Lili appeared in pajamas, looking puzzled. “Ren, what brings you here?”

“Lili, will you be my partner at tonight’s dance?” Ren Jiaxuan beamed.

“What time is it?” Yang Lili glanced at her watch, shook her hair, and smiled. “Give me a minute to change.”

“All right, I’ll wait here,” Ren Jiaxuan replied cheerfully.

*

After dinner, Dong Yanyan sprawled comfortably on Liu Siying’s bed, reluctant to move. The two rooms were separated by just a wall, but the temperature difference was like night and day—dry and warm here, she was almost hot in her sweater.

“Where are your roommates? Did they all go home?” she asked lazily.

Liu Siying, dressed in pajamas and hugging a teddy bear, sat beside her and smiled. “Did you forget? There’s a dance on the sixth floor tonight—they all went up early.”

“Oh!” Dong Yanyan remembered. Of course, it was Saturday night. In this cold weather, there was nowhere to go out and eat or wander, so dancing upstairs really was the best pastime.

“Don’t be upset, Yanyan. Yang Lili wasn’t in a good mood today. I don’t think she was really targeting you,” Liu Siying said.

“Really?” Dong Yanyan sighed softly. “How can you be sure she wasn’t? I just feel so tired. These past few months I’ve been busy with everything—busy for nothing, really. My grades are average, and I’ve offended quite a few people. I used to think I had good relationships, but now I’m just discouraged.”

“Your relationships not good? In our class, who else gets along with both boys and girls as well as you do? Honestly, I admire you. You may not have the best grades, but all the teachers like you; sometimes you have a bit of a temper, but everyone still wants to be close to you. You always seem to know everyone, what to say to whom, what jokes to make, and everyone feels comfortable around you. I’m the opposite. Teachers like me because I have good grades, but hardly any of the boys or girls in our class really want to talk to me. Like today, I made it to the finals and you were the only one truly happy for me,” Liu Siying said quietly.

Dong Yanyan gave a bitter smile and said nothing. These classmates had spent at least four years together; some still met up often even years after graduation—how could she not understand them?

“I envy you, too. You’re smart, beautiful, and talented. Don’t say no one cares about you—doesn’t Xu Cheng treat you well?” she said with a teasing smile, though she felt a pang of envy in her heart.

At this, Liu Siying lowered her head and smiled. “Xu Cheng is great—like a big brother, always looking out for me. But my future boyfriend has to be at least better than I am.”

Dong Yanyan felt a little unsettled. She could criticize her own husband, but she couldn’t stand to hear others say a single bad word about him.

“Whether a guy is good or not mainly depends on his character. Xu Cheng is smart, just doesn’t work hard. Not everyone can be as self-disciplined and driven as you are at such a young age. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I think you might be missing out on some of the joys of youth,” she laughed.

Liu Siying shook her head with a smile. “Can’t help it. To be honest, I’ve always stood out wherever I go—class monitor, model student, star in all kinds of activities. I’m used to being the teacher’s favorite. Coming here was a mistake; I’ve always wanted to work in broadcasting, to be on stage, but I didn’t realize this was an engineering school. The broadcasting and hosting program only takes high school graduates. At first, I was really discouraged, but my mom told me to make the best of things. I thought she was right—if I want to learn, there will always be opportunities.”

“Of course—opportunity favors the prepared, and I believe in you. Compared to you, I’m much lazier. I know it’s not a good thing, but I always get distracted by other matters,” Dong Yanyan said.

“I don’t think you’re lazy. You’re so talented—there’s so much you know that I don’t. You have a lot to talk about with the teachers, and even they say you’re well-read. Even when we go shopping, you have a better eye for things than I do,” Liu Siying said, leaning against her shoulder.

“After hanging around online for so many years, I’ve just picked up a bunch of random knowledge,” Dong Yanyan laughed.

“You sound so world-weary, as if you’re much older than me,” Liu Siying teased.

Dong Yanyan looked up at the ceiling light with a bitter smile. “Sometimes, I feel sad. There’s always someone like me in every class—guys don’t exclude you, they’re willing to be friends, maybe a little more than friends, but no one really wants to spoil you; you get along well with the girls, but there isn’t one true confidante you can tell everything to. I’m that inessential, decorative presence—just one friend among many, never anyone’s number one. Things are lively day to day, but when trouble comes, you have to face it alone.”

“You have me—this is nice, isn’t it?” Liu Siying said affectionately. “And Ren Jiaxuan—I think he treats you well.”

Dong Yanyan smiled. “As Yi Shu said, ‘When you truly love someone, your feelings are sour and hidden; sweet words are mostly for those who don’t matter.’ I really understand that.”

“Huh? Who’s making you feel sour? Tell me!” Liu Siying asked curiously.

Dong Yanyan hugged her pillow and just smiled. Liking someone can be more bitter than sweet—just like her feelings for Lin Feng: painful, exhausting, hopeless, just like before. If something is out of reach, it’s best not to think about it, or you’re just tormenting yourself. When will she ever experience a love as sweet as honey? The kind of love that’s simple, carefree, together just because you’re happy—will it ever come?