Who is to blame?

No matter what, Mu Qingxi was now seventeen years old. Her hobbies hadn’t changed; she still loved to write, scribbling her thoughts wherever she could. She believed that within words lay her own language, her own feelings.

The National Day holiday passed quickly, and the first thing they faced upon returning to school was the monthly exam. This time, she made no progress—stuck in place and slightly disappointed. After a month of hard work, the results were not as good as she had hoped. In a way, though, this too was a form of happiness: disappointment only comes when one has expectations, even if that disappointment brings a sense of defeat.

“Mumu, Confucius is coming,” Qin Yu whispered to Mu Qingxi.

“Classmates, here are one hundred seat numbers. Draw lots for your seat. If you’re not satisfied, coordinate among yourselves,” Confucius announced, shaking a transparent jar as he continued, “Draw lots according to your ranking.” They stood outside the classroom, filing in one by one to draw their seat numbers.

“E8.” That was the seat number Mu Qingxi drew. She was quite pleased; sitting at the back meant no one paid her any attention, which suited her perfectly.

As she walked toward E8, she saw Xi Haifei sitting at E4—his seat was excellent.

Just as Mu Qingxi sat down, a boy came over and said, “Mu Qingxi, let’s trade seats. You take F4.”

She looked at him and replied, “No need. This seat is just fine—I like it.”

The boy’s tone immediately changed, pleading, “Mu Qingxi, please, I’m begging you. Go sit with Xi Haifei, or else I have nowhere to sit.”

Mu Qingxi noticed the classmates around them watching her. Frowning, she walked over and said to Xi Haifei, expressionless, “I’ll sit inside, you take the outside.” From his face, she could tell he was unwilling. She added, “Fine then, I’ll find another seat.”

Xi Haifei looked at the stubborn Mu Qingxi and had no choice but to stand up and give way. Seeing him move, Mu Qingxi said nothing and sat down.

Shao Gang was at D4, Chen Bin at C4, Qin Yu at D3, and Xu Hongliang at E5. Shao Gang was a friendly boy, excellent academically. Chen Bin was shy, equally outstanding in his studies. The two were close friends. Qin Yu happily turned around and gathered them all, soon filling the air with laughter and conversation, leaving Xi Haifei isolated. She didn’t like how Xi Haifei bullied others.

They asked about grades, and Mu Qingxi, despite her poor performance, answered openly and without embarrassment. Comparing their results, she was last, Shao Gang was first. Yet her math and Chinese were the highest, Qin Yu excelled in English, and Shao Gang topped the science subjects.

They examined her scores, and finally Shao Gang said, “Mu Qingxi, you’re seriously imbalanced in your subjects. That’s not good.” The others nodded in agreement.

“It’s not what I want, but I can’t help it. I just can’t manage it,” she admitted. Their words were true—her subject imbalance was severe, and it was her greatest obstacle for the college entrance exam. She thought of Xu Lihua, and suddenly felt a surge of resentment toward him.

Yes, a strong person is not easily destroyed by anything.

But inner demons can silently break down even someone forged of steel.

She could not overcome this inner demon. It had already taken root, grown, and after three years, become a towering tree.

“Heh, I’m working hard to overcome it. Now, let’s tidy up our desks,” Mu Qingxi broke the silence. She knew they meant well, but their words awakened her own sense of inadequacy. If only her mother had carefully sought advice and understood the situation back then, rather than punishing her without asking for details, perhaps she would still be a child who loved English, without such fierce resistance toward the subject. She still remembered those nights, dreaming of her mother beating her, nightmarish and restless, unable to sleep for a week.

In the end, she went to her father, told him she couldn’t sleep, and he bought her calming medicine, which finally allowed her to rest peacefully.

Who should be blamed for the situation she found herself in? Herself? Teacher Xu? Or her mother?

In truth, she blamed her mother.